Thursday, March 17, 2011

...just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

I guess there's no real rhyme or reason for this post, except survival (and probably procrastination). Man school can be tough. My very last research paper that I will EVER have to write is due in 19 hours, and I'm feeling like all I want to do is cry. Why does school have such access to my emotions? Maybe it is the expectations, maybe it is my own determination and desire to do well, maybe it is my people pleaser personality and desire to make my professors proud, maybe I want to do well for Dave; and these kinds of expectations (like having to sound intelligent for 10 pages about something I don't know very much about) just push me to my limit. How do you get over writers block, and overcome the blinking cursor and blindingly white first page of an important paper?







































What usually ends up happening is what I am doing right now. I have no other choice if I want a decent grade because the paper is due the next day. I never do this with my art projects anymore, I spend hours and hours every day on those and so I always have something quality ready. I have more motivation, and luckily, I get to paint people that I absolutely love and admire. Your spirit moves me to paint. Your lives and simply who you embody make me feel like my work has purpose.

I am so glad that I get to have this education, despite all of my whining. I'm starting to think about what it will be like without class every day, and I just know I will miss it. Well, I guess I better get back to my staring contest with Microsoft Word. Too bad I never win that one until I can hit save as and print. To all those feeling the weight of school or other time sensitive pressures and expectations, I offer the deal that my dad likes to tell me when things get tough: "if you keep trying, I'll keep trying." Thank you for all of your support during this time, and I love you all. Its almost the weekend!

1 comment:

  1. I remember a time when I thought I was going to die. I thought the HBLL staff may have to remove my corpse from library. What was this time, you ask? That time was when I was writing my 24 page final BFA paper. It was horror, utter horror. But now, am I still living? Yes. YOU WILL MAKE IT. I can guarantee that. And when it's over, the terror will subside in your memory. And if you're lucky, you may even come out of it with a paper you're slightly proud of.

    And yes, when classes are gone, while you won't miss the stress, life still isn't perfect, and you may even miss some of the business. I know this from experience. Be grateful for every stage.

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