Compassion and the True Meaning of Empathy

Every now and then I like to do a post not just about what we've been "up to," or pictures of the things we are doing, but I like to share something that I've been thinking about, or that we really believe in.  

I tend to surround myself with really strong personalities, beautiful personalities, that have no fear in sharing what they believe, what they are thinking, or how they want the world to change. I am a little more guarded sometimes in doing this, but I think that this just might be something I feel strong enough about to share publicly. 

This morning I was lying in bed after Dave rushed off to school. The morning was still and crisp with the new fall chill that we've been getting recently. On a side note, I love our bedroom window that looks out to the shrubs and trees in the yard. It makes me feel like I live in my own treehouse in the jungle, isolated from the outside world.

 

It is a nice environment for productive thinking. But anyway, I was sifting through some thoughts I've been trying to come to terms with.  Like the fact that it can sometimes be hard to grow up and force yourself to do grown up things.  How I wish I could do everything that I wanted to do without being exhausted at the end of the day. And how it is hard sometimes to reach out to other people when you feel you have needs. You know those times when you realize you are human, and that you have boundaries to what you can do each day and emotionally bear? But there are other times when you know you are doing something really important like talking to someone you love and care about when you know your emotional capacity bucket was drained hours ago, or when you force your body to be somewhere that you really need to be to help someone else.  

Joan Halifax is a Buddhist roshi (I didn't know what that was, I looked it up and I think it is a spiritual leader of a Zen Buddhist group) and helps people on hospice and death row who are in the last stages of their life.  She gives an enlivening talk on TED about some of the things that she has learned about compassion in her life of helping other people. 

Some important statements:

"Compassion has enemies. Fear...pity...the fear that we have is global."

"We cannot have compassion if our compassion is tied to an outcome."

"In order to have compassion we must must have a strong back and a soft front.  We must have a resilience... but also have an unguarded heart."

She made me aware of the fact that compassion, in addition to bolstering both the server and the served had physical benefits.

Compassion creates neurological integration, helping to unite pathways in our brain and make it more whole.  Compassion is good for the immune system. It helps us to be healthier and fight off sickness.  Compassion enlivens us.

And finally, my personal climax:

"If compassion is so good for us, why don't we train our children in compassion? If compassion is so good for us, why don't we train our health care providers in compassion so that they can do what they are supposed to do which is to really transform suffering. And if compassion is so good for us, why don't we vote on compassion? We should put people in our governments based on compassion so that we can have a more caring world." 

So, today, I am speaking for compassion. Empathy. Kindness. I do not know much about the politics of today or current events, but I know that compassion changes us, physically and emotionally, and I believe that our society and the world of our future will not be able to continue unless we teach each other, and our children, compassion.