this morning+this time

This morning is a cozy morning, with cozy socks, a cozy bed, and my coziest sweatshirt. It is one of the first of our "cozy annual sweatshirts," a tradition Dave and I started in which every fall, when it starts to get cold, we buy something warm and comfortable to help us transition into the cold weather. It makes us happy, and I think it helps Dave face the only thing that he has audibly confessed hating: the cold snow. Dave got up early this morning to do homework. I dropped him off at school, and now here I sit, enjoying the warmth of our space heater, wondering what I'll be able to pull out of me today.

The apartment has been very quiet recently, like today. Dave, off on his busy way, doing important things and working toward important goals. And I sit and contemplate, thinking about this time and what it will mean to us in the future. This time is where we invest. This time is for preparation. This is a time of survival and endurance. This time is a time of serving and being served.

 I looked at this picture in a new light today. I found it a few months ago randomly online, and saved it because I liked the colors. Before it was just a bunch of beautiful doors, almost an abstract modernist canvas of colors and shapes. Today it represents our future, and the place where we stand; a place of unknowns and apprehension, yet potential and opportunity. There are so many doors, all beautiful and exciting and full of life-changing experiences. How do we choose without knowing just how it will be?

Sometimes I feel like the future is mostly what we think about. "We're doing this so we can have a nice home." "We're doing this so we can provide for our family." Or "this experience will make such a difference in our lives."  I guess a lot of what we do is to help us prepare for what is to come. It is our natures. It is what we all must do.

Patience 

charcoal and oils

 We need to be able to survive. Sometimes though I think about how I feel at this moment. What am I experiencing right now. What is my immediate self think about what is happening?  I think it is important to savor moments, environments, and feelings.  I think Dave and I compliment each other in this.  Dave is taking care of our future, and I am making sure that we survive and thrive in the process (making beds, buying foods, working, giving rides, decorating our home).  Our lives are important during every moment, not just the culmination of our lives.  Each moment of our time on earth is a time of growing and stretching and learning and feeling.

This morning, I hope for the capacity to support and encourage and enliven, and this time I know will be one that I "look back on with fondness," as my ever-wise mother-in-law reminds me.